Chicken Averages

English: Foghorn Leghorn made from paper. Espa...
English: Foghorn Leghorn made from paper. Español: Gallo Claudio hecho de papel. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Law of Averages

for chickens on a scale from 1-10

is a six

that’s how many years they have

if left to live a normal life

roaming free on the range


if owned by a big corporation

chances are not only will their

goose get cooked

but their eggs will be

taken and sent to reform school

to fend for themselves

to become educated in the ways of the world

another irresponsible link in the food chain

So if you think

life has dealt you

a bad hand

consider the average chicken

A would be cackler

who comes from a broken home

because their mom split

she’s the extra crunchy breast at KFC

the hot wings at Hooters

the juicy thighs at Popeye’s

and she’s not coming back


And she never did say

who your father was

For all you know

it’s that dude

Foghorn Leghorn

who just got thrown out of

summer chicken stock

for ad-libbing badly on the To Be Or Not to Be soliloquy

and the only thing

the one thing

you have to hold on to

is a message

some crazy biker chick

who claims she’s your long-lost cousin Ginger

scratched in the dirt

when you were like three

and playing doctor

that scared the bejesus out of you

although you’re not exactly sure WHY

the message that still haunts you to this day

TODAY–on your 6th birthday

that said: “Pork is the other white meat?”

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