So, you want to Golf, do you?
Sharpen your pencils
Get a scorecard
Put on Your Glove
Choose Your Club
Pull out clean white ball and correct size tee
Wait for your turn
Proceed to the Tee Box
Find The Flag
Eyeball the Flag
Line Yourself Up
Line Yourself Up Again
Ready
Practice Swing
Practice Swing
GO
W.T.F.
Okay, did anybody see where my ball went?
REALLY?
Thanks.
…
So, you think you’ve got this…
Shoulders, hips, and feet require proper alignment.
Teeing up the ball at the precise height, hitting it sweet,
While keeping your head down and
Staying in the middle of the fairway is no joke.
It’s not for sissies either.
Hitting over the water, under that branch and
not into the bird sitting in the fairway ahead of you
requires timing and precision.
Remembering how many strokes
it took everyone in your foursome
to get that darling dimpled ball
onto the green entails an attentive count
The yardage from the tee box to the pin minus
The exact yardage when you’re inside one hundred yards,
the position of the flag on the green
(Is it left of the front, right of middle, or back and right)
or how about the right of front, left of center, back, and went.
Well, you get my meaning.
Which wedge will you need to pitch the damn ball
uphill in a forty mile per hour gust
during a rain squall
while keeping your nose, clubs, and your grip dry?
Calculating to the nearest square inch
how much backswing it will take to get
snot ball up onto the green and stick,
without sculling across and into a sand bunker.
Then gauging again
the backswing, follow-through,
and speed required to putt that white turd
into that minuscule cup
requires courage, humor, and ongoing mental analysis.
Corney Press 