Doing The Math


 

So, you want to Golf, do you?

Sharpen your pencils

Get a scorecard

 Put on Your Glove

Choose Your Club

Pull out clean white ball and correct size tee

Wait for your turn

Proceed to the Tee Box

Find The Flag

Eyeball the Flag

Line Yourself Up

Line Yourself Up Again

Ready

Practice Swing

Practice Swing 

GO

W.T.F.

Okay, did anybody see where my ball went?

REALLY?

Thanks.

So, you think you’ve got this…

Shoulders, hips, and feet require proper alignment. 

Teeing up the ball at the precise height, hitting it sweet, 

While keeping your head down and

Staying in the middle of the fairway is no joke. 

It’s not for sissies either.

Hitting over the water, under that branch and

not into the bird sitting in the fairway ahead of you 

requires timing and precision.

Remembering how many strokes

it took everyone in your foursome

to get that darling dimpled ball

onto the green entails an attentive count

The yardage from the tee box to the pin minus

The exact yardage when you’re inside one hundred yards, 

the position of the flag on the green

(Is it left of the front, right of middle, or back and right)

or how about the right of front, left of center, back, and went.

Well, you get my meaning. 

Which wedge will you need to pitch the damn ball

uphill in a forty mile per hour gust

during a rain squall

while keeping your nose, clubs, and your grip dry?

Calculating to the nearest square inch

how much backswing it will take to get 

snot ball up onto the green and stick, 

without sculling across and into a sand bunker.

Then gauging again

the backswing, follow-through,

and speed required to putt that white turd 

into that minuscule cup

requires courage, humor, and ongoing mental analysis. 

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