Friends come in all shapes and sizes
they speak up
when you least expect it
encourage you to be better,
read your writing
in spite of their better judgment
save you a seat at the lunch counter
when they could just as well
have let someone more interesting sit next to them
Someone who could’ve inspired them
to quit hording the damn chocolate-chip cookies
drink more water
and write the GREAT all-American novel already
The one that extolls the virtues of
boy meets girl, or to expand on that
boy meets girl who meets boy, who meets boy with a dog, who meets the meat man
who is connected to one of the big box stores
and knows the butcher by his first name
and goes on to start a hamburger chain in Kenya
where they feed EVERYONE BEEF and make a million friends, get married, have kids
who don’t appreciate anything, but discover the cure for cancer while working in the outback in Australia after they got kicked out of the African hut.
and then they all get back together again in twenty-five years to sing Kumb-bay-ah
vs.
the short history of biodegradable detergent
or SOAP; a study in bubble manufacturing
depicted in an old west town named SUDS where the locals form an anti-soap coalition
waging war on scum
that leads to hiring a cute plumber who has
a secret fetish for filthy water
and for one dollar three eighty
also trains in leg and foot massage after hours
with the Vietnamese boy at the local Nail Salon.
Flower ART available. Later on it gets a little squeaky and there’s lots of wrinkled skin
and before you know it Noah sails in on his ARK and says OI-WEH! WHO KNEW? This kind of flood, does it come with insurance?
And wouldn’t you know the Elephants with their long schnazola’s are picketing!
Meaningful gritty Lava soap friendships
for those times
when last night’s party just
won’t stop repeating on you
and when Aunt Jane’s breath
reminds you of
a dumpster
that just tipped over on itself
and the only thing on TV
is DOOMSDAY PREPPERS.
Corney Press 