Before Golf

I couldn’t add without a calculator.

I could do it on paper, just not in my head. 

Math is a big deal in golf.

Club angles, dog legs,

teeing the ball at the right height

hitting it sweet, 

staying in the middle of the fairway

is no joke. It’s not for sissies either.

Hitting over the water and

not into the foursome ahead of you.

Remembering how many strokes

It took to get retarded ball

into the tiny hole

The yardage from the tee box to the pin

The exact yardage when you’re inside one hundred yards

What position is the flag in on the green

(Is it front, middle, back, left, center, right)

Or how about the right front, left of center, back, and left

as in no longer on the green!

Well, you get my meaning. 

Estimating the angle of the wedge

You’ll need to pitch the ball

uphill in a forty-mile-per-hour gust

during a rain squall

while keeping your nose

clubs and your grip dry.

Calculating to the nearest square inch

Exactly how much it will take to get 

snot ball up onto the green and stick, without it rolling across the green

and into a sand bunker

that you still can’t see.

Then estimating again

the amount of backswing

the stance, popping that little white turd into the air and having it land

Either right next to or into that dang minuscule hole

takes finesse, a sense of humor

and math.

Being courteous and sensitive to your cart partner by spelling their name correctly is secondary.