Is that a thing?
According to the woman, a close relative that made me, it is.
I have never done this, but I am open to new instruction.
It seems that there is a precise order to these things.
And the Germans had their hands in the engineering.
Since I am most of the above, I play along.
There may be dire consequences, should I default.
The instructions are nowhere to be found, so I relent to her superior brain in these delicate matters.
I prepare with pen and paper.
Nay, I prepare with iPhone and Notes. To be followed up on laptop later. On a date of my own choosing. Possibly never.
First you must open the dishwasher.
After opening, step back unless you want to expose your mature skin to a blast of hot steam. Contrary to popular belief, any kind of blast should be strictly prohibited. Once you have let the steam escape from a safe distance, you may proceed with the operation.
Draw your attention to the bottom drawer, to the cutlery section and pull out the drawer gently.
Assess and organize giving extra care to the knives, since their sharp wit may have you in stiches. Forks are puddle-proof but notice that they come in two sizes. Do not mix these up when delegating them to their respective places. Dessert has its own place in the ancestral hierarchy. This also applies to the spoons. Give them an extra wipe with a clean dry towel and arrange with care, in two separate utensil stations. Yes, Karen there is a dessert section.
Do not forget the large serving utensils. Where is that large black plastic spoon? OMG, the spoon has melted beneath the drawer. Let us say a few words, shall we. In the future we will take extra care since plastic along with paper money does not grow on trees. Also, we don’t wish to burn the house down. Can I get an AMEN?
Whew. The dishwasher can be a dangerous place and melting plastic is certainly nothing to be trifled with. Did you not smell that?
Next, we focus on the dishware. The ones that you bought at the Dollar Store because everyday is not a special occasion. The little darlings can chip, so handle with care and wipe the recesses like you would wipe a babies bottom before stacking and shelving. GOD does not air dry inside the Dishwasher. Another little tip for advanced learners is when replacing washed dishes remember to alternate the old with the new. Also, do not confuse with holiday dishes. Refer to the manual if you find it and look up Holiday section.
Finally we come to the glassware. These are top drawer in every respect, from wine glasses to tumblers, your favorite coffee mugs and lids to all the other things unmentionable, er–not mentioned. Remove carefully so as not to chip or crack and wipe inside the rims. Replace with care. Alternate back to front on shelves and display with pride. Remember that fine wine cannot shine without a polish. And a quick uncultivated hand will reduce the number of the surplus population.
Ó11/5/25 Cornelia DeDona
Corney Press 