Placing a Ban on Public Affection

I read a blog the other day

that said, “holding hands and kissing are

a gateway to intercourse” that

a bill was being drafted in the HOUSE

to strong discourage this type of

activity in our schools.



Mr. Speaker

I propose we ban all outward

forms of AFFECTION

since our children

yours, mine and THEIRS

are intent on

Practicing Parenting Without a License!

This behavior

must be stopped

at all costs.

These AFFECTION addicts need sanctions

stronger measures need to be devised

to ensure that there is


I propose we take a page from history

and segregate these

teenaged waifs

and promote abstinence.

I’m playing devil’s advocate here:

Perhaps we should put them back into factories

to work for peanuts.

The ones who manage

to escape with all their limbs intact

can apply for a license for outside affection

when they are 21 and on their own.

Mr. Speaker, I strongly urge

that you to consider the ramifications

if this is not put into law.

If the Republicans and the Pro-Lifers

get wind of this

there will be a population explosion

in this country

that has not been seen

since our founding fathers

raked in the profits from their marijuana crops.

This pre-constitution, third world fracas

has to be ferreted out.

This will only hurt our economy

which is so far into the red,

it will topple into the drink

and be swallowed by China.

Lord knows, the problems they’ve had with population control.

IMAGINE, also if you will,

the cost of paying for all of those diapers

let alone figuring out a way to dispose of them.

Our planet growls with increasing intensity.

The oceans swell with our refuse

the rainforests shrink from our callousness

and the belly of the Earth

rumbles with indigestion from the roughage

we’vd shoveled into it since the Pleistocene.

So it is at the behest of my constituents

that I bring this proposal before you today.

And people want to know

WHY this country is in trouble?

2 thoughts on “Placing a Ban on Public Affection

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.