I read a blog the other day
that said, “holding hands and kissing are
a gateway to intercourse” that
a bill was being drafted in the HOUSE
to strong discourage this type of
activity in our schools.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I propose we ban all outward
forms of AFFECTION
since our children
yours, mine and THEIRS
are intent on
Practicing Parenting Without a License!
must be stopped
at all costs.
These AFFECTION addicts need sanctions
stronger measures need to be devised
to ensure that there is
absolutely NO TOUCHING OF ANY KIND!
I propose we take a page from history
and segregate these
and promote abstinence.
I’m playing devil’s advocate here:
Perhaps we should put them back into factories
to work for peanuts.
The ones who manage
to escape with all their limbs intact
can apply for a license for outside affection
when they are 21 and on their own.
Mr. Speaker, I strongly urge
that you to consider the ramifications
if this is not put into law.
If the Republicans and the Pro-Lifers
get wind of this
there will be a population explosion
in this country
that has not been seen
since our founding fathers
raked in the profits from their marijuana crops.
This pre-constitution, third world fracas
has to be ferreted out.
This will only hurt our economy
which is so far into the red,
it will topple into the drink
and be swallowed by China.
Lord knows, the problems they’ve had with population control.
IMAGINE, also if you will,
the cost of paying for all of those diapers
let alone figuring out a way to dispose of them.
Our planet growls with increasing intensity.
The oceans swell with our refuse
the rainforests shrink from our callousness
and the belly of the Earth
rumbles with indigestion from the roughage
we’vd shoveled into it since the Pleistocene.
So it is at the behest of my constituents
that I bring this proposal before you today.
And people want to know
WHY this country is in trouble?