Well,
the help I so desperately needed wouldn’t come for another thirty + years.
In the meantime
As Dad put it
I’d have to lie in my bed.
The bed I’d stubbornly, stupidly made.
And since I had no choice, I resolved to make the best of it.
My nerves were shot. However, the shaking and the rocking back and forth
had subsided.
Time to go back home to my husband.
He had been calling nightly for the entire time.
He was so sorry,
Would never raise his voice, etc. to me again.
Please, please come back,
I love you.
My heartless parents had their own money troubles. It was a different time. Women had little or no rights. Besides, we had a child to raise. And Tommy had reminded me that there would be no help for me. In fact, I was useless on my own. My son and I would both starve and be lying in a gutter within a week. Tommy’s constant harangue made me believe it. Although I couldn’t keep that fact in my useless head for long periods of time. At some level I understood the lie he kept hammering into me, but I didn’t have an instant fix.
So off we flew, back to HAWAII.
There were honeymoon periods. Days and nights when I was sure it was all in my head. But they were short-lived and usually ended with another long night of screaming and terror.
Frankly, I survived because of the kids. His and ours. Again, no other clear choices. I also began my journey into higher learning.
Corney Press 